


Ghostly

by aebecee



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Plot Twists, Suicide Attempt, art student!renjun, ghost!jaemin, idk how to tag im sorry uwu, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-15 03:10:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16054229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aebecee/pseuds/aebecee
Summary: Jaemin, a wandering ghost, saved Renjun from what could have been a fatal car accident.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1/5/19: Hi! This isn't a new update, I just corrected some grammatical errors~ (still, i might have missed a few im sorry uwu)
> 
> Anyway, enjoy reading!

If someone asked Renjun if he believes in supernatural things like ghosts a few days ago, he would have laughed at them and asked if they were in their right minds, but that was not the case anymore.

Renjun internally grunted as he put his pencil down and massaged his temples, a furrow evident on his eyebrows.

“What's the matter, Injunnie? Is the homework that hard?” he heard a voice ask. No, it was not a voice in his head, or maybe it was and he was just imagining things if not for the ghostly form looming over him, peering over his shoulder. 

“What now?” the blonde hissed.

The pink haired ghost looked at him, left hand on his chest, offended.  Renjun could not help but raise a brow, he even had the nerve to look offended? 

“Hey, I saved your life. Have some decency and show respect to your savior!” the pink haired ghost spat back.

“Will you please just leave me alone?” the blonde sharply said. He then stood up and started walking toward the bathroom.

He did not wish to be saved.

The pink haired ghost immediately followed the smaller boy like a lost child but was met by raised brows of the said boy.

“Ah, you're going to the bathroom...” the ghost mumbled and looked away, embarrassed. 

 

When Renjun came back to his bedroom, the pink haired ghost was sitting on his bed, looking at him with expectant eyes. He might not be the nicest person out there but he did not have the heart to say no to the ghost in front of him, even if what he was asking for was ridiculous in his opinion.

“What do I need to do to help you again?” the blonde sighed.

The pink haired ghost's face lit up, “Please help me find my family when I was still alive,”

There was an echoing silence as Renjun's mind processed what he just heard, “Are you aware that there are more or less 50 million people in South Korea?” he asked in disbelief, “What if you live overseas-”

“Please?” 

Renjun immediately regretted the moment his eyes met the gaze of the pink haired ghost, he looked so sincere, genuine... and sad.

“It may be the only way for me to finally be at peace,” the ghost added in a voice that came out as a whisper.

Apparently, if Renjun recalled correctly, it was already several months since the ghost started wandering on earth, having no memories of his past nor any clue why he was still not ascending to the realm beyond the mortals' world.

It must have been hard for the pink haired ghost and of course, he felt bad for him. As the smaller boy weighed the good and bad consequences that it would cost him, a heavy sigh escaped his lips, “Fine, tell me what do you want me to do.”

 

—

 

Renjun did not have any idea why he agreed on this crazy idea in the first place. He remembered his conversation with the pink haired ghost,

“You want me to sneak in to schools and look for your name in their records?” 

The ghost sheepishly smiled at him and nodded, “Yes, you see, we can just look for schools with a uniform like this to narrow it down,” he pointed at the worn out school uniform he was wearing.

The blonde looked at the ghost like the latter grew two heads, “Are you crazy? There are at least a hundred schools with the same uniform and that's just in Seoul!”

 

....and so, Renjun found himself in this situation. He was crouching down to hide himself from the guards who were on night patrol as he looked for the faculty room of the school. Don't ask him how he managed to sneak in because that would be a very long embarrassing story. On the far end of the hallway, the pink haired ghost was casually walking, “Perks of being a dumb ghost,” the blonde muttered under his breath.

As if on cue, the pink haired ghost looked back and waved at him, “Injunnie! The faculty room is here, hurry up!” he excitedly pointed at the door to his right.

Renjun was so done with everything. He clenched his jaw and made a run for it. He dashed through the hallway and ran straight to the door of the faculty room.

The blonde leaned his back against the closed door, breathing heavily, “I never thought you're a risk taker,” the pink haired ghost commented, amused.

“Shut up,” the blonde's eyes snapped open, “We need to start looking for whatever it is before someone sees me here,”

The pink haired ghost pouted but followed the blonde anyway. He hopped through messy shelves and desks inside the faculty room. He was hopping around when a particular cabinet caught his attention. He reached out to open the cabinet but his hand just passed through it. For a second there, he forgot that he was already a ghost, realization hitting him like a truck once again. He could not touch material things unless he concentrated all his spiritual energy on his hand which was totally not worth it when there was a cute little human helping him, “Injunnie, I think it's somewhere in this cabinet,” he pointed at the cabinet in front of him.

The blonde grumbled something not comprehensible enough for the pink haired ghost as he marched toward him. The ghost backed away to give way to the smaller boy. Renjun opened the cabinet and immediately saw a huge maroon book, the words ‘Student Records’ glistened under the dim lights, “It's here, oh my god, how did you know?” 

“Ghost sense?” the pink haired ghost shrugged, “Hurry and look for my name,”

Renjun frantically flipped through the pages of the huge book but halfway through it, he realized that he did not even know the name he was looking for, “Idiot! Hey, what's your name?” he almost cursed the ghost.

The pink haired ghost looked at him in disbelief, “I told you yesterday, I knew it, you were not even listening to me!”

 

Renjun's mind was buzzing. He was too dazed to pay attention to the driver of the car, shouting profanities at him. It would have been fatal if he had been hit and that was what he wanted actually. All of the sounds seemed to echo like they were from a distance. There was a boy in front of him, pink cotton candy-like hair stood out compared to the yellow lights illuminating the sidewalk, waving his arms in front of his face.

Did that boy save him? What was that force that pushed him off to the sidewalk?

“What's your name?” he heard the boy ask.

“Renjun. Huang Renjun.” he answered almost automatically, eyes still blinking slowly, unfocused.

“Ronjin? Renjin?” the boy in front of him repeated.

“Renjun,” he corrected before he finally met the gaze of the boy in front of him. He squinted his eyes, something was off about the boy. The boy appeared to be somewhat translucent. Was it because of what they call accident aftershock?

“Renjun? That's a pretty name. Can I call you Injun?” the boy smiled, “I'm Jaemin, by the way. Na Jaemin.”

 

“Jaemin. Na Jaemin.” Renjun mumbled as he snapped out of his trance. He immediately turned the pages of the book to look for students with a family name of Na.

The blonde was almost done when Jaemin suddenly tried to get his attention, “Injunnie!”

“Can you please shut up?” Renjun spat, “I'm trying to look for your name here,”

“Injun!” the ghost tried to get his attention again, voice laced with panic.

Renjun had a very bad feeling about that, so he slowly looked up, opened his mouth to say something but the sound of footsteps coming closer interrupted him. The two of them looked at each other in pure horror before he quietly mumbled, “Run,” despite the internal screaming that was buzzing in his head.

The smaller boy shuffled toward the door and back to the hallway, throwing the records book somewhere along the way, “Have I ever told you that I hate you, Na Jaemin?” he said in between his breaths as he ran for his life.

“Now's not the time for that Injun, we gotta get you out!” Jaemin, despite being a ghost, felt the adrenaline rushing through his veins, “Turn right! They're on the other side of the hallway!” he screamed on top of his lungs, only Renjun can hear him anyway.

“How did you know?” Renjun asked, breathing heavily but still running as fast as he could, it was probably the first time in his life that he got to experience something as crazy as this. He felt like his heart was about to jump off his chest from the adrenaline rush.

“Ghost sense,” Jaemin answered, a huge grin lingering on his face, “Just turn right!”

“I hate that you're having so much fun in this,” Renjun cursed before blindly following Jaemin's directions.

 

—

 

Renjun's knees gave up when they reached an empty park a few miles away from the school they sneaked in to. He collapsed on the colorful kiddie bench, whatever it was, too tired to care, “Are they gone?” he breathed through his mouth, gasping for air.

“Injunnie, that was so fun!” Jaemin hopped around the smaller boy, completely ignoring him, “Listen, I've never felt that thrilled ever since I became a ghost!” he squealed.

Renjun just stared at the ghost who was hopping around him in glee. What mess did he get himself into?

“I can't believe you,” the blonde sighed. 

“Oh, right, did you see my name?” the pink haired ghost finally settled beside him, looking at him with that same expectant eyes.

Renjun could almost feel his heart sink upon seeing the disappointed look on the other's face, “No...”

Jaemin pouted, a sigh following after, “I guess we can try again tomorrow! That's just the first school anyway!”

Was Jaemin talking to Renjun or was he trying to console himself?

“Why do you want to leave this world that much?” Renjun unconsciously asked. 

Was it a question for Jaemin or a question for Renjun himself? 

Renjun would never know.

Jaemin looked away, eyes seemed distant, a sad smile on his face, “It was all fun and games at first but it gets lonely, you know,” 

Renjun found himself observing the pink haired ghost beside him. A thousand of questions about the boy whirling in his head.

“You're actually the first ever person to see me,” Jaemin returned Renjun's stare, “It must've been fate, that we met yesterday,”

Jaemin's eyes spoke too much, the frustration, loneliness, sadness, but one stood out the most, hope. It was too beautiful, so beautiful it made Renjun's heart ache, he had to look away.

”Yesterday... why did you save me?” Renjun asked in a barely audible voice.

Jaemin looked up at the stars shining so bright above them, as if mocking their two lost souls, “I saw the look in your eyes,” he replied in a quiet voice, “at that moment... you wanted to end it all, right?”

Hearing someone say it so openly like that made everything seem so real for Renjun. He really could have died yesterday, “...and what if I am?”

He was met by an echoing silence, as if urging him to continue so he did, “My parents in China sent me here to study and eventually enter Seoul National University as an art major but I failed the entrance exams, I couldn't tell them the news,” the hopelessness was eating him away, “I felt trapped, suffocated even... I can't let them down,” 

He should not be a disappointment to his parents. _Never._

Jaemin pondered for the right words to say, “You know, there are endless possibilities,” he started carefully, “as long as you're still alive,”

He wanted to carefully choose his words, to be careful not to cross any boundaries, but his emotions betrayed him.

“It may be one of my selfish reasons, but I wanted you to live,” Jaemin chuckled at his own selfishness, “because I want to live,”

“I never wanted to leave this world, I want to stay, I want to live,” his voice cracked, “I can't let someone throw away his life that carelessly while I'm here, begging all the gods I never believed in to let me stay; to let a miracle happen, that this is all just an ugly nightmare,” he choked back a sob, “...and that I'm not actually dead yet,”

Before Renjun could do anything, Jaemin stood up and disappeared in thin air. Renjun released the breath he didn't realize he was holding. _His heart hurts._

 

—

 

Jaemin did not show up at all the next day. 

It had been only a day, or two if Renjun would count the night they met, but he could already feel the emotional attachment toward the pink haired ghost and it scared him. The words of the other was weighing on him, as if haunting him for his pathetic decisions in life.

He rolled over his bed and walked toward his laptop on the study table, determined to do things right for once; he would somehow make things right, not for Jaemin, not for his parents, but for himself.

 

Renjun was carefully choosing from a bunch of paintbrushes when a lump of pink cotton candy-like hair at the corner of the store caught his attention. He watched in horror as the owner of the pink hair dashed toward him, his eyes immediately closing, preparing himself for the collision, but instead, he only felt a ghostly touch that made the hair on his skin stand.

Ah, right. Jaemin's a ghost.

“Hey, can you normally show up next time?” Renjun tried to keep his voice low because they were in a public area.

“Oh-ho, so there'll definitely be a next time?” Jaemin snorted.

Renjun rolled his eyes, “Shut up,” turning his attention back to his precious paintbrushes.

“So, what are you doing?” Jaemin peered on the shelf filled with paintbrushes of all types and sizes, “It took me quite a while to find you,” 

Renjun could hear the pout on the other's face which made him smile slightly, just slightly, “I'm buying art supplies,” he answered nonchalantly despite the loud beating of his heart, he could almost hear it.

“Are you having fun, huh? Do you really think I'm that much of an idiot?” Jaemin asked, pouting even more.

Renjun almost answered a yes but changed his mind last minute because he needed to tell the other the good news, “Seoul National University approved my reconsideration letter yesterday,” he announced, “They required me to submit a painting for evaluation,”

Jaemin's eyes widened in shock, Renjun watched his face morph from utter shock to pure happiness as a wide grin spread on his face, “I knew you could do it! I could hug you right now,” the pink haired ghost squealed like a girl, “No, actually, I will hug you right now,” he said before pouncing on the smaller boy to hug him.

Renjun felt that ghostly touch again. Words were not enough to explain the foreign feeling; it was like the cold breeze of winter, coldness slowly seeping through his skin, but it also came with the warmth of summer, warmth rushing through his veins straight to his heart; he liked it.

Jaemin pulled away and cupped Renjun's cheeks with both of his hands in pure adrenaline, the pink haired ghost's huge grin mirrored the smaller boy's. He was so happy for his little human, he almost forgot that they were too close for comfort at that moment, noses almost touching.

When they did notice, they awkwardly separated, exchanged shy smiles, as Renjun cleared his throat in an attempt to save the awkward atmosphere.

“So...” Jaemin drawled.

“So?” Renjun raised his brow.

“What now?” Jaemin asked with a cheeky grin.

In the midst of their staring competition, something clicked in Renjun's mind, “You know what, you should come with me today, we're going somewhere after this,”

Jaemin's eyes sparkled, one could literally see the happiness oozing from the ghost, “I'd love that, hurry up with your art supplies!”

 

A couple of hours later, they found themselves in front of the city's Registry Office.

“Huh?” Jaemin could not hide the disappointment in his voice, “I thought we’ll be doing something fun? I almost thought it's a date,” 

If Renjun could smack the ghost's head, he would have already done that a long time ago, “We're going to look for your name, you dumbass,”

“Oh?” Jaemin finally realized the blonde's intentions, “Wah, you're a genius, Injunnie!”

“I know I am,” Renjun shrugged before leading the way.

“Somehow, I feel like you're too enthusiastic about this, I don't know if I should feel offended or not,” Jaemin feigned hurt, but still with that huge grin on his face.

 

Since Jaemin was a ghost, he was literally useless inside the Registry Office. Renjun did all the work while he just loitered around, casually checking on the smaller boy if the other had questions he could answer or things he could possibly help with, without people freaking out when objects suddenly float around.

“Hey, Jaemin, I narrowed down all the Na Jaemin in the city who are around your age, we can start checking if they're currently enrolled in a school with the same uniform-” Renjun whispered, but when he turned to his side, the pink haired ghost was nowhere to be found.

“Jaemin?” he tried again.

Renjun sighed. Was he babysitting or what? Jaemin has the attention span of a 5 year old.

He walked around the Registry Office, trying so hard to make it seem like he was just casually walking and was not looking for a certain ghost because that would certainly freak out people.

He turned to a secluded hallway and saw the pink haired ghost at the far end, as he was about to rush toward the other, he noticed the dazed state the other was in. Jaemin was looking at a reflective glass in a daze.

“Jaemin?” he carefully reached out. It took him several tries before the pink haired ghost finally turned to him, eyes still unfocused.

“Y-yeah?” 

Renjun came closer and scrutinized the reflective glass himself. It was just a normal reflective glass. He could see himself and nothing else, but that was when he realized something. He slowly turned his head to look back at the pink haired ghost beside him, a sad smile lingering on the other's lips.

Jaemin did not have a reflection; simply because he was not existing anymore.

 

Later that day, both of them were walking home, side by side. Renjun was carrying a bag full of his art supplies while chewing on his lips nervously. 

He could feel the tension in the air around them. He found himself wondering, what was it?

“So where were you yesterday?” he tried to start a casual conversation.

It took Jaemin a few seconds before he replied, “I went to the ocean. I wanted some fresh air,” it was so painfully obvious that the ghost's mind was somewhere else.

“Oh, must be convenient to be a ghost,” Renjun commented absentmindedly, shivering slightly from the night breeze. He expected it to be the end of their conversation. He was too much of a coward to ask more.

After a few minutes of walking in silence, Jaemin broke it, “About the other day, I'm sorry. I was emotional,”

“No,” Renjun shook his head, “that was totally understandable, it must have been hard for you,” he immediately reassured the ghost.

“I'm just scared,” Jaemin mumbled, keeping his eyes glued to the ground. The concrete pavement turning to tiled floor as they stepped into the lobby of Renjun's apartment building.

They entered the elevator in silence, basking in each other's presence. The blonde noticed the intense stare of the pink haired ghost at the absence of his own reflection on the reflective glass again. 

“I will soon be forgotten; just like how I forgot everyone who probably matters so much to me,” Jaemin's voice echoed throughout the small space.

For a moment, it felt like it was only the two of them in the entire world, like it was not a race against time, it was just them; both of them were too deep in thought.

The _ting_ of the elevator brought them back to reality. They slowly walked toward Renjun’s apartment unit.

“Jaemin-ah,” Renjun stopped and looked at Jaemin straight in the eyes, “It’s not your fault,” there was a long pause after,

“...and besides, I will never forget you,”

 

Renjun could not possibly forget that fateful night where his everything changed and it was all thanks to the pink haired ghost across him. No matter the other's reason was, he still helped him, in much more ways the other gave himself credit for. The short time they spent together seemed like months, years even, and they were able to build a connection like no other. Their two lost souls found comfort in each other. 

“Thank you,”

 

Jaemin only said two words but both of them knew that those words meant so much more.

 

—

 

It was one of those days where Renjun stay inside his apartment unit to paint all day. He was working on the piece that he would be submitting to Seoul National University for evaluation. It was his last chance and he was pouring his everything in it. With his color palette on his left hand and a medium sized brush on his right hand, he tilted his head to examine the canvas. A small frown appeared on his face, “Why is he so hard to paint, I can't do his face justice,” he muttered under his breath.

“Injunnie!” a voice announced another's presence in his apartment.

The blonde's eyes widened as he scrambled to cover his canvas with a clean cloth, cringing at the thought that he would have to deal with smudged paint later.

He shuffled out of his bedroom to his small living room to meet the pink haired ghost flopped on his couch.

Jaemin tilted his head, noticing the streaks of paint on Renjun's hands, “Oh, were you painting?”

“Y-yeah,” Renjun nervously laughed while scratching the back of his neck with his right hand.

“How's it going?” the pink haired ghost asked, not missing the suspicious antics of the smaller boy who was still standing on the bedroom's doorway.

“I-it's going well, I suppose,” the blonde looked at everywhere except at the ghost on the couch.

Jaemin narrowed his eyes, “Can I see it?” he pressed further.

Renjun's eyes widened for the second time that day, “No! Absolutely not!” 

“Eh? Why not?”

Renjun walked toward Jaemin on the couch, raising his tiny pinky finger toward the other, “You have to promise me, that you will not ever, ever, ever, peek at my painting unless I ask you to,” he deadpanned.

“What?” Jaemin was dumbfounded.

“Pinky promise?” the blonde insisted.

That did not leave Jaemin with much of a choice but to meet the smaller boy's pinky finger with his own and seal the promise, “O-okay, pinky promise.”

Renjun flashed a satisfied smile after, “Okay, so what brings you here?”

A smile so bright it could rival the sun's. If Jaemin would have the chance to see that genuine smile of Renjun every time he would agree to silly promises like that, he would definitely do it again without thinking twice about it. He felt like his heart almost skipped a beat, although, he was not sure if that was even possible for a ghost like him.

“Jaemin?” Renjun waved his hands in front of his face.

“O-oh, right,” Jaemin stuttered, embarrassed for spacing out when a whole Renjun was right in front of him, “I wanted to ask if you want to go shopping?”

Renjun furrowed his brows in confusion, “Shopping? Why do you suddenly want to go shopping?”

“You see, I kind of saw your closet and...” Jaemin started.

“Hey, are you saying I have a bad fashion sense?” Renjun frowned, offended.

“Hey, that didn't come from me! I'm just saying you need more clothes like hoodies and sweaters,” Jaemin voiced out his concerns, “It'll be winter soon and you get cold easily,” he added in a small voice.

Renjun was taken aback, “How did y-you know?” feeling the blush creeping up his neck upon realizing that the pink haired was just concerned for him.

Were they always this awkward with each other?

Since when did Jaemin look that good? Why does his eyelashes look so curly and long, they could almost mop the floor? Why does it seem like his eyes hold the entire universe in them? Why does his face suddenly look like it has been perfectly sculpted by god himself? Why does his smile-

 Renjun blinked. What the fuck was he thinking?

“Ghost sense?” Jaemin joked to lighten the mood, thinking that Renjun's silence meant that the smaller was mad at him, “As if it wasn't obvious enough that you shiver every now and then when we're outside,” 

Before Renjun could embarrass himself further, he hastily turned around, “O-okay, let me just change my clothes,”

 

Somewhere along their way to the city's downtown, they passed by a couple of schools and inquired about the possibility of a student named Na Jaemin who used to study there. Throughout the week, Renjun found a more civilized way to check schools' student records and that was to pretend to be a family friend and ask the schools' registrar offices directly.

“It's a white lie,” Renjun explained, justifying his actions to Jaemin.

“Well, it's definitely much better than sneaking in,” the other mused.

 

Unfortunately, they still could not find anything about Jaemin. Renjun was walking with heavy steps, frustration evident on his face.

“Hey, it's okay,” the pink haired ghost comforted the smaller boy.

“I just want to find your family,” the blonde pouted.

“You really want to get rid of me that much, huh,” Jaemin teased, not knowing Renjun would take it seriously.

“That's not it!” Renjun's eyes widened, “I-I just want you to finally be happy,” he said as he looked down.

Jaemin smiled fondly at the smaller boy, “I want to ruffle your hair right now but we're in public,” he giggled.

“Hey, I'm serious here,” the other whined.

“But you know, these past few days, I'm actually happy.” 

Renjun opened his mouth to say something but he immediately closed it again, as if pondering if he should say it or not.

Jaemin hummed in response, giving the smaller boy all the time he needed to sort out his thoughts.

“I'm happy you're here too,” Renjun admitted in a small voice before walking ahead, almost sprinting to the first clothing boutique he saw.

A lovestruck idiot- no- a lovestruck dumb ghost, that was what Jaemin looked like for the rest of the day.

 

Jaemin cooed out loud when Renjun wore the oversized pastel pink sweater they bought the other day. The smaller boy had sweater paws and that was probably the cutest thing he had ever seen in his entire life- his entire ghost life.

The blonde had blush creeping up on his cheeks, almost comparable to the pink sweater he was wearing, because of the attention Jaemin was giving him. 

“S-shut up,” Renjun looked away, embarrassed, “I'm going to finish my painting today, so come back later?”

The pink haired ghost went to the blonde and ruffled his hair, hand resting on the other's cheek after. The smaller boy felt that ghostly touch again, he liked it, so he leaned into the touch.

“Maybe I should just stay?” Jaemin suggested. Somehow, Renjun knew Jaemin was not just talking about leaving the apartment for the day, but something else; their purpose as to why they were together in the first place.

Renjun's eyes never left Jaemin's, “Maybe you should,”

Renjun could read Jaemin like an open book but the smile the pink haired ghost flashed was something unreadable even for him, “See you later,” he heard Jaemin say before disappearing in thin air, carrying with him the warm coolness of his ghostly touch. 

 

—

 

Renjun carefully wrapped his canvas, now adorned with a finished masterpiece, which was almost half of his height. When he was sure that it was fully wrapped, that was when he carried it to the small living room of his apartment where the pink haired ghost was waiting for him, biting his fingernails nervously.

“Why do you seem more nervous than me?” he chuckled.

Jaemin faked a sob, “My son is all grown up now, entering a university and all,”

Renjun ignored the other and went to book a grab car for himself. The university was only a 10 minute walk away from his apartment but he could not possibly carry it to the university, he might lose his arms in the process.

“Why do you seem so relaxed about all this?” it was Jaemin's turn to ask, fingers still fidgeting despite joking earlier.

“I feel like throwing up and I haven't eaten anything since last night,” Renjun deadpanned, “I feel like shit,”

“Hey, Injunnie, that's not healthy for you,” Jaemin scolded like a mother hen, “I’ll make sure to feed you lots of food later when you get back,”

Renjun smiled fondly, “Of course, later,” 

It was nice to have someone waiting for him. His small empty apartment felt like home.

“You know what, I changed my mind,” the pink haired ghost suddenly pounced on the blonde, both of them landing on the floor, as he showed his best puppy eyes, “Can’t I come? Please?”

Renjun's resolve almost crumbled, but no, he must not succumb to temptation, “No,” he answered firmly.

“But why?” Jaemin whined loudly, almost childlike, “I want to be there for you,” he pouted.

Renjun reached out to cup Jaemin's cheeks with both of his hands. They were a mess of tangled limbs on the floor. It felt weird touching a ghost, it felt like his hands were just hovering over the other's face because of his translucent nature but Jaemin immediately leaned into the touch so Renjun just assumed that the other liked it.

“In the short time we shared, you were always there for me and I appreciate it, Jaemin-ah,” Renjun assured lovingly.

 

—

 

It was not Renjun's first time in the university campus, but he was still in awe of the beauty of the place. He could see people of all ages and status interact with each other, the plaza inside the campus becoming too crowded for his liking. It would have been nice to have Jaemin with him but he could not let the other see his painting yet. 

He was smaller compared to other boys his age and he was carrying a huge canvas almost half his size so it was obvious that the walk to the university's Office of Student Admissions was a struggle for him. Not to mention, he was wearing a hoodie, which Jaemin insisted because the ghost said it would be bad if he caught a cold, but the sun was up so high that day; it was so hot, beads of sweat trickled down his forehead.

He was internally cursing the pink haired ghost, who was probably lazing around his apartment that very moment, when a pair of hands held the other side of the canvas. Renjun felt like crying in delight, thankful for the kind soul who helped him.

“Thought you'd need some help,” Renjun heard a voice say.

He cringed at the feeling of his sticky fringe but he still flashed his best smile toward the stranger, “Yeah, actually, thank you,”

The boy definitely has a larger built than him but judging from the other's almost baby-like face, he was probably just around Renjun's age. Damn genes.

The brunette looked good, no doubt in that. He has facial features that one would die for, sharp jaws, pointed nose, and an eye smile that could kill. Wow.

“Where are you heading to? I can walk you there,” the brunette offered.

“Oh,” Renjun scolded himself for eyeing the boy, hoping it did not make the other uncomfortable, “Student Admissions,” he quickly replied.

The brunette flashed another one of his deadly eye smiles, “That's nice, I'm heading there too!”

“Oh, are you applying for a slot as well?”

“Yeah,” the brunette laughed, a bit embarrassed of his situation, “I actually missed the scheduled audition for dance majors so I asked for a reconsideration,”

“Well, for me, I failed the entrance exams, that's even more embarrassing,” Renjun comforted the other, he had already moved on from his tragic entrance exams and besides, he was still nervous, yes, but he was pretty confident with his piece. He poured his everything in it.

Both of them just laughed it off, “I'm guessing you're an art major?” the brunette said in between his laughs.

“Yeah, you see,” Renjun eyed the huge canvas, confirming the other's guess.

“You should definitely let me see it later!” the brunette beamed.

Before Renjun could reply, their conversation was interrupted by the university staff, “Are you boys going for reconsiderations?” 

They did not notice that they were already in front of the building of the Office of Student Admissions.

The two boys nodded, handing their own approval letters that were sent through email, “Okay, art majors' evaluation will be on the third floor while the dance majors' auditions will be on the fifth floor of the building,” she informed both of them.

After saying thank you to the university staff, Renjun was about to say goodbye to the brunette who helped him, but the other refused to let go, “Let me help you until the third floor? This will be quite heavy for you,” the brunette accidentally eyed Renjun's small frame. Renjun should feel offended but he knew that the boy meant no harm.

“Will that be okay? I mean- It's okay-” Renjun wanted to refuse but the other spoke again.

“Please let me help you,” the brunette sincerely said.

“O-okay,” Renjun agreed hesitantly, too caught up with the other's kindness. 

 

They reached the third floor sooner than Renjun had expected. Thanks to the kind soul of the brunette. It would have taken him ages.

“Listen, I'm really grateful for your help. I honestly don't know how I would have done this without you,” Renjun called the other's attention.

The other just smiled, “I'm glad I could help. I'm Jeno, by the way. Lee Jeno.” the brunette offered a handshake.

Renjun awkwardly took it, “Renjun. Huang Renjun.”

“So, friends?” Jeno tilted his head cutely.

“Of course,” Renjun agreed almost immediately, smile never leaving his face.

“Oh! Let me see your piece before I go! I'm really curious about it!” Jeno clasped both of his hands together upon suddenly remembering their conversation earlier.

“Well, since I owe you one for helping me, I guess I'll show you,” Renjun scratched the back of his neck. He crouched down to unwrap the canvas that was on the floor, leaning on the wall, still as careful as ever. 

The painting slowly unveiled itself. It was a painting of Jaemin. It was the side profile of the pink haired ghost looking at the vast blue ocean spread across him. He painted it as he imagined that day, as told by Jaemin himself, when he went to the ocean to breathe some fresh air. The contrast of blue and pink hues was too addicting for the artist's eyes.

Renjun painted it but he was still struck by its beauty. The painting itself was beautiful but the blonde was referring to the pink haired ghost. Jaemin was beautiful. 

Renjun painted Jaemin exactly how he remembered the other's high cheekbones, long  eyelashes, pretty smile, and soft pink cotton candy-like hair, but his skills could still not do the beauty of the ghost justice. His beauty transcended all the realms Renjun believed in, it was almost heavenly. _Jaemin is beautiful._

He was too distracted to notice the silence of his new found friend. He stood up to check on the brunette, only to be met by furrowed brows. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Jeno broke the silence.

“Are you a friend of Jaemin?” Jeno asked, confusion written all over his face.

At that moment, Renjun felt like his world stopped. He heard the buzzing sound in his head again. _Jeno knows Jaemin._

 

Jeno knew Jaemin when he was still alive. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for leaving comments on the 1st chapter! I've read all of them~  
> The story is longer than I expected so there will be 3 chapters instead hehe! Here's the 2nd chapter, enjoy!

Renjun could not remember much about that day. It was all blurry, he was not sure if it was because of his hazy memory or his tear-stained eyes, but he remembered having an outburst that night. The pink haired ghost who was only patiently waiting for him at his apartment somehow ended up at the receiving end of his outburst.

 

“Injunnie!” Jaemin jumped off the couch and ran straight to the door. Renjun was taking off his shoes on the doorway after carefully dropping the wrapped canvas on the floor; the huge canvas was wrapped in a white cloth again, leaning on the wall. The pink haired ghost stopped himself from pouncing on the other upon noticing that something was off. It was then when he noticed the smaller boy's bloodshot eyes and small sniffs. He frowned when he realized that the boy had been crying.

He did not even bother to ask, he immediately pulled the smaller boy into his chest, whispering sweet nothings. He caressed the soft blonde hair while rubbing soothing circles on the other's back, “It's okay, it's okay,”

Jaemin noticed that Renjun's hands were shaking while remaining limp on his sides, his entire body was trembling. What could have happened?

He pulled away just enough to see Renjun's face. He cupped the blonde's tear-stained cheeks with both of his hands, “Injun, baby, it's okay,”

“N-no, it's not,” Renjun weakly shook his head, “It's not okay, Jaemin-ah, it's not-” he choked back a sob.

“Shh, it will be okay, it's alright,” Jaemin shushed the boy.

“I told you, it's not okay! It will never be okay!” Renjun suddenly screamed in a hoarse voice, breaking free from Jaemin's hold in the process.

The smaller boy was still crying, trembling, and Jaemin was determined to hold him again but he refused Jaemin's touch, “N-no,”

“Please, please, leave me alone,” he sobbed while curling in on himself, he ended up sitting on the floor. He pulled his knees close and buried his face, trying to find some comfort; something to ease his aching heart.

The scene playing out in front of him was the last thing that Jaemin wanted to see. It broke his heart that he could not do anything to help Renjun. He felt helpless.

He knew he should leave but he could not bring himself to do it. He could not leave Renjun alone, especially not in this state. So he sat on the floor, leaned his head back against the wall a few meters away from the curled up boy, and endured his heart break over and over again with each sob coming from the smaller boy across the room.

Jaemin looked at his right hand and raised it up to the ceiling. He was translucent in nature but his hand was almost gone, the fluorescent light easily passing through it. He did not have any idea why but he knew that his time was running out.

He closed his eyes. He needed to be strong, at least for both of them, but his heart was wavering. It was never just about them. It was a race against time.

It was a long, long night for the two boys.

 

Renjun woke up on his bed, tucked in layers of warm blankets to protect him from the cold. It was already past noon, the first thing he noticed when he woke up. He did not know how he moved to his bed or when he fell asleep last night; it must have been Jaemin's doing, he assumed.

 _Jaemin_. Renjun's heart ached when the thought of the other crossed his mind. Why does it hurt that much?

The pink haired ghost was nothing to him a few weeks ago. They were nothing to each other a few weeks ago. He almost wished it just stayed that way.

For once, Renjun wanted to be selfish. He wanted to keep the happiness all to himself, but he knew that he could never do that because Jaemin's happiness mattered to him. Jaemin deserved to know. He knew but he was scared. What would happen from then on? What would happen to them?

Renjun released a shaky breath as he steeled his resolve before finally getting out of bed, knowing fully well that Jaemin would be on the other side of the door. How? He was not sure, but he just knew.

He yanked the door open, Jaemin's shocked face greeted him, “I-Injunnie,”

Renjun could feel the anxiety creeping up, he breathed slowly to stop the tremors. He was so fucking scared, he wanted to run away, but Jaemin deserved to know, and that was what kept his feet anchored on the wooden floor of his apartment.

“It's oka-” Jaemin started but Renjun beat him to it,

“I'm sorry,” the smaller boy said in a voice that was almost a whisper, “and thank you, for dealing with me last night,”

Renjun realized the distress of the other when he noticed Jaemin's face visibly relaxed, “Injunnie, come here,” the pink haired ghost opened both of his arms for a hug.

The smaller boy hesitantly walked toward the other. He knew that he should not, but he longed for Jaemin's touch, he loved all of Jaemin's touches. He fit perfectly in Jaemin's arms, immediately burying his face on the other's chest, basking in the ghostly touch he learned to love. Jaemin placed a soft kiss on the smaller's hair, drowning in the lavender scent of Renjun's favorite shampoo.

 

Jaemin's mind was drifting. He was begging all the gods he did not believe in, one more time, for one last time. He begged for more days — if he could stay just a little more.

When they pulled away, Renjun tiptoed to cup Jaemin's face with both of his hands, noses almost touching. They just stared at each other for god knows how long. Their eyes still mirroring two lost souls, but this time, it was two lost souls who found each other, who gave each other directions to not go astray again.

Renjun's smile faltered when he saw the sudden flash of fear in Jaemin's eyes. He wondered if Jaemin saw fear in his eyes too because the smile he loved so much disappeared on the other's face. It was replaced by an unreadable expression that Renjun could not grasp.

“Injunnie,”  
“Jaemin-ah,”

Both of them said at the same time.

“You should speak first,” Renjun looked down before leaning into Jaemin's chest again, almost purring in content, wishing for that moment to last a little longer.

“No,” Jaemin lightly shook his head, “after you,”

“Why are you so stubborn?” Renjun whined, stomping his feet a little.

“Injunnie,” Jaemin tucked a few of those soft blonde locks behind Renjun's ears.

Renjun pulled away and looked up at the other. They were both smiling, but he wondered why his heart ached, it felt like it was slowly breaking into pieces, tiny pieces that would take forever to fix. It felt like beyond those smiles, there was an intense feeling of despair, a despair like no other.

“Let me show you my painting first,” his voice came out shaky. He still smiled, but it did not quite reach his eyes.

He guided Jaemin to the wrapped canvas which was left discarded on the floor the night before. He crouched down to unwrap it, just like he did back in the university.

Jaemin sat on the floor, a few steps away from the canvas. He admired Renjun's soft features while the boy was occupied. He was imprinting in his mind the figure of the other, his soft blonde hair, his sparkling eyes, his plush lips. _Renjun is beautiful, too beautiful._ He questioned how he deserved such a perfect person like Renjun.

...or maybe not.

Maybe he was just meant to pass by Renjun's life. Maybe he was just a fragment, a tiny piece that would be necessary but not meant to stay in Renjun's life. It physically pained his heart.

The uncertainties were slowly weighing on his wavering heart. In that very moment, he swore to himself that no matter what would happen, even if he were to be lost for eternity in a place not known to man, he would never ever forget Renjun, the boy whose eyes were as bright as the sun, the boy whom he would always look for — just like how a sunflower would always look for the sun.

When Renjun had fully removed the white cloth wrapped around the canvas, Jaemin could not contain his surprised gasp.

“I-Injunnie,” was all Jaemin could say, eyes searching for answers.

It was him. It was a painting of his side profile looking at the blue ocean spread throughout the canvas. Renjun painted him, but why?

Jaemin was too dazed, mind whirling with thousands of questions, to notice the smaller boy inching closer to him until he was sat in front of the ghost, too close for comfort.

“Injun, I- I don't understand,” Jaemin said in a small voice, confused, “That's an important piece for you, why did you-”

“Jaemin-ah,” Renjun softly interrupted the confused ghost, “You are an important piece for me, the piece that completed me, the piece that was the catalyst for everything that has happened,”

“...and I loved all of it,” Renjun genuinely smiled for the first time that day, “I love all of you,”

Jaemin had always been the strong one. He had to be the strong one, but Renjun's words came like a raging storm and shattered all the walls he built. He found himself clenching his jaw, occasionally looking up to suppress the tears that were threatening to fall.

“I want to let you know, to let you see, that you exist,” Renjun reached out to intertwine his fingers with Jaemin's, “You are here, and will always be here,”

Jaemin recalled the memory of the absence of his reflection. He was suddenly reminded that he had not seen himself ever since he became a ghost. He did not even know how he looked like until he saw Renjun's painting of him. It scared him.

“Injun, am I real? Is this even reality?” his lips trembled, “I- I don't even know?” For the first time, he cried in front of Renjun. His mind was conflicted, suddenly questioning all the things he let himself believe in.

“My feelings for you, h- how do I even know if those are real?” Jaemin felt ashamed in front of the boy who poured out all his love for him, “You loved me, but I-”

Jaemin was scared. Was he even a being capable of such feelings? He was sure of his feelings toward the smaller boy just a few moments ago, but fear was clouding his mind. All along, maybe he was just making a fool out of himself, making himself believe he existed, but what if he was reduced to only a tiny bit of what he once was?

Renjun's other hand caressed Jaemin's cheek, wiping off the tears flowing freely, “Jaemin-ah, you were- no- you are loved by many,”

“Injun, what- what are you talking about?” Jaemin froze, lips still trembling,

“You were a boy whom everyone adored,” the smaller boy continued, tears welling up his own eyes, “You made sure everyone around you felt they were loved, cared for, and that they mattered. You loved, and loved, and loved,”

“Injun, what are you talking about?” Jaemin unconsciously gripped Renjun's hand tightly, desperate for answers he needed to calm his heart pounding loudly against his chest.

There was a long pause before Renjun spoke softly, too soft, Jaemin almost missed it, “I met a friend of yours when you were still alive,”

Jaemin could not believe what he just heard. On a normal day, he would have laughed at Renjun's words but the smaller boy said it with tears rolling down his cheeks.

It felt like fate was playing with them.

“Injun, is that why-” _is that why you have been crying?_

Renjun could only close his eyes and nod, “I could not bring myself to tell you-” his voice cracked, “you deserve so much more,”

“I was selfish- I wanted to be selfish-” the smaller boy found it hard to speak from all the crying. Jaemin had to pull him into his chest to calm the other.

“I don't want you to leave...” Renjun's hoarse voice came out muffled against Jaemin's chest, but he heard it clearly.

Maybe that was why it hurt that much. They both knew what was to come. They knew, but they refused to acknowledge it. They were still young and stubborn. Despite knowing what would happen, they still clung to each other desperately, whispering empty promises.

Renjun gripped the hem of Jaemin's worn out uniform tightly, “Please don't leave,”

“Please don't leave me,” the desperation in Renjun's voice was enough to shatter Jaemin's heart to thousands of pieces.

Jaemin buried his face on the juncture between Renjun's neck and shoulder, “I won't- I won't leave,” he promised, but the tears staining Renjun's sweater were saying otherwise.

Renjun pretended that he did not see Jaemin's hand, which was intertwined with his own, slowly disappear. He closed his eyes, grasped whatever he could, to feel Jaemin's ghostly presence against him.

He caressed the soft pink cotton candy-like hair, “We'll be okay,”

Jaemin only sobbed, “We will be okay,” Renjun repeated more firmly, even with his own tears still staining his cheeks.

 

They said it was hard for those people who did not know what they had until it was gone, but what about those who do know?

Those who knew exactly what would happen, those who were aware of their race against time, those who tried to hold on, those who did their very best to keep each other, those who wanted to stay, yet could only accept what fate has in store for them?

Wasn't it so much worse for them?

 

Renjun felt empty, a huge void inside him that made it hard for him to breathe. His heart was in pain, his entire being was in pain. He had not moved from his bed nor opened his eyes, but even with his eyes closed, he was still crying.

“We'll be okay,” he whispered in thin air.

“...I- I’ll be okay,” he choked back a sob, hands gripping the sheets of the empty space beside him.

He had been crying for as long as he could remember. He could feel his weary soul — he was tired. He felt lost without his star, he felt lost without the boy who held the entire universe in his eyes. He wanted all of it to just end.

 

Jaemin was gone.

 

—

 

“You're painting that dude again,” a brunette with streaks of rainbow dye on his hair commented.

Renjun barely spared the other a glance before mixing another hue of pink on his color palette, a sad smile lingering on his lips.

They were at one of the art studios of Seoul National University. After several deliberations of the panel regarding his painting, he was finally reconsidered. It was already a month since the semester started and so far, all he had been submitting for all his courses were different paintings of a certain pink haired boy. No one knew who it was except for Renjun himself, well, and maybe Jeno, but he never saw the eye smiling brunette ever since the first time they met.

“You're so weird,” the boy muttered as he sat on the stool in front of his own easel, “Shouldn't you at least introduce him to me? Aren't we friends?”

“Hyuck,” Renjun called the other's attention, “He went somewhere far away, I can't even meet him,”

Donghyuck scoffed, “Well, you should go meet him then, no matter how far he went to,”

Renjun stopped his hand holding a paintbrush mid-air. Ah, right. Donghyuck did not know what he meant when he said that.

However, Donghyuck's next words seemed to echo in his ears, “It seemed like when he went away, he took with him a huge part of you,” the other nonchalantly said, unaware of the sudden realizations of the blonde beside him, “I suggest you settle it with him once and for all, so you can move on — so you can finally live your life,”

Renjun had long forgotten about his painting as he stared at the crumpled piece of paper on his hand, as if it was mockingly staring back at him. It was the paper that Jeno gave him before the eye smiling brunette went to his auditions.

 

“Well, Jaemin is friends with everyone, he loved everyone, he must've met you somewhere along the way,” Jeno said while fishing a small piece of paper and a pen out of his backpack. He remembered asking the brunette about Jaemin's family.

“Here, I wrote Jaemin's home address, you can visit his mom if you like. She's really kind,”

 

Maybe it was the closure he needed. Ever since Jaemin disappeared, Renjun's entire world changed. Most of the time, it was just pitch black, sometimes it was gray; all the dull colors Renjun knew, it was all that he saw. The only exception was when he was painting that pink cotton candy-like hair vividly imprinted in his mind.

He missed Jaemin dearly. He missed his laugh. He missed his deep voice. He missed his ghostly touches. He missed his everything. Renjun often found himself thinking about the pink haired ghost. Is he happy, wherever he is?

Renjun's classes for that day were not over yet but he left the university early. He brought out his phone to check for directions before heading to the train station. There was a determined look in his eyes. He wanted to visit Jaemin's grave.

 

Renjun was not sure what he was expecting when he knocked on the front door of what he assumed to be Jaemin's house, according to the paper that Jeno gave him. It was an awkward hour of the afternoon, he was not even sure if someone was home, but he still patiently waited outside.

The front door soon opened, revealing a beautiful woman in her early-40s. There was a smile on her face, “Yes? Do you need anything?”

Renjun was in a daze for a moment, her smile looked so familiar, it brought a sudden wave of nostalgia in his heart, “H-hello, Mrs. Na. I'm Huang Renjun,” he snapped out of his daze, “Jaemin's friend,”

“Oh?” she tilted her head in surprise, “Is it my first time meeting you? I'm sorry if I did not recognize you, dear,” she apologized, as she opened the door wider, completely stepping outside the house.

Renjun noticed she was carrying several bags with her, clothes and packed food, so he automatically reached out and offered to carry some of it for her, “Yes, actually. We haven't met before, Mrs. Na,”

Jaemin's mother said a small ‘thank you’ before her eyes twinkled in delight, “You came at the right timing, dear. I was just about to go to the hospital,”

It took Renjun a few seconds to process what Jaemin's mother said. He was confused, “The hospital?”

“Did you not know?”

Renjun could literally feel his heart slam against his chest, he could almost hear it beating loudly. He looked lost while waiting for the next words of Jaemin's mother.

 

“Jaemin woke up a month ago,”

 

—

 

Renjun wanted to cry, but he did not want to worry Mrs. Na who was happily talking about the recovery of her son. They were currently at the backseat of a cab, taking them to the hospital where Jaemin was staying.

All of it did not make sense. Mrs. Na was saying that Jaemin was in a coma for several months because of a car accident. He was hit by a car accidentally while on his way home one day, it turned out that the driver was drunk. He was hit on the head pretty hard, he had several operations on his back too. The doctors were giving up on his case, but miraculously, last month, Jaemin woke up.

All of the feelings he bottled up in the past month felt like exploding any moment. The cab halted in front of one of the biggest hospitals in the district, but Renjun could not pay much attention to his surroundings. He was shaking, for reasons he was not sure of.

It was overwhelming. He was happy because Jaemin was alive. _His Jaemin._

When Mrs. Na opened the door to Jaemin's room, Renjun unconsciously held his breath.

“Jaeminnie, a friend of yours is here,” Mrs. Na called the attention of the boy on the hospital bed. The boy looked up from his phone and stared at the small blonde boy who stayed frozen on the doorway.

Tears welled up Renjun's eyes immediately, but he could clearly see Jaemin. The boy he longed for, the boy he dearly missed, the boy he loved so much, his entire universe and all the stars in it. Jaemin looked healthier than what he remembered, his pink cotton candy-like hair dye was also wearing out, the black roots of his hair peeking out. His eyes darted on the still chapped lips of the other, he almost chuckled at that, but not when he noticed the slight frown resting on those lips. Why?

Renjun's eyes slowly met the gaze of the boy on the bed, and that was when Renjun's whole world crumbled down, realization hitting him like a truck.

Renjun felt like his head was spinning, he wanted to throw up, and before he could even notice what he was doing, he had already turned around and ran out of the room. He heard Jaemin's mother call his name but it was drowned out by the chatters of people in the hospital lobby as soon as he was far enough.

It was those eyes. There was no recognition in them. _Jaemin does not remember him._

He met Jaemin while the other was a ghost, a supernatural being that was beyond the understanding of science, believing the other was already dead. Of course, he would not remember. Renjun was a fool to think that he had another chance to be with the boy he loved so much.

The pain in his heart was always there, it was almost as if it already became a part of him, but only this time, it was a hundred times more painful. He knew Jaemin was alive, but he could not even stay by the boy's side, he could not even tell him how much he mattered to him, he could not even tell the boy how dearly he loves him.

Once he was out of the hospital, he let himself cry; he cried his heart out. He was conflicted. Thousands of questions whirling in his mind. He did beg for a miracle but was it not enough?

Jaemin deserves better, the voices in his head said so.

Renjun suddenly remembered the idea that he had been trying to hide in the deepest part of his mind since he saw the confused look on Jaemin's eyes. What if Jaemin clung to him before because he had no one else? Now that he has everyone, why would he choose someone like Renjun?

Remembering Renjun would mean that Jaemin would remember the time he had to live as a ghost too and that would be a living nightmare for the boy. Renjun definitely could not let that happen. This time, Jaemin would be genuinely happy, no matter what it would take — even if it would cost his own happiness.

Renjun wiped his tears with the sleeves of his sweatshirt before dialing Donghyuck's number, “Hyuck,”

Donghyuck immediately recognized the hoarse voice of the other, “Jun, wha- are you okay?”

“Please help me pull out all my paintings from the art department's gallery,”

 

—

 

When Jaemin opened his eyes for the first time after several months, the first thing he saw was his mother's face. She looked a little pale and there were tears in her eyes before panic settled in her beautiful face, she immediately rushed out of the room to call nurses; her son finally woke up, Jaemin heard his mother's distant voice from the hallway.

Jaemin was confused at first but the memories of the night soon came flooding back at him. His head hurt, he winced in pain. He was hit by a car when he was walking home. How long has he been at the hospital?

Several nurses rushed to his side with his mother after a few seconds- or minutes- he was not sure. They were talking about something, like checking his vitals or something and the tests that he must undergo, Jaemin was too dizzy to comprehend all the sudden noises. The next thing Jaemin knew, his bed was being pushed to a separate room, his mother following closely behind.

“M-mom,” he found out it was hard to talk. His throat felt dry and his voice came out hoarse. It was hard to move, his body felt like it was not his own.

His mother was still crying, but she nodded. Her smile was the last thing Jaemin saw before the door of the new room he was brought to was closed. It was as if to reassure him that it would be okay; they would finally be okay.

But what was that feeling that seemed to loom over him since he woke up? He could not explain it in words but it felt like a huge void inside him, an emptiness in his heart, it made his heart ache. He was confused, he should definitely ask the doctors about it.

 

“Jaem!” Jeno, his bestfriend, shouted in glee when he opened the door and let himself in. No, it was not their first time meeting each other. In fact, it was already a month since he woke up, but Jeno was always a little too clingy toward him. Well, they practically grew up together, he could not blame the other. They were almost like brothers.

“Oh, good afternoon, auntie!” Jeno greeted Jaemin's mother upon noticing her at the corner of the room, preparing apples for her son.

She grabbed to peel another one because she had another mouth to feed, “Hello, Jeno. You came early today?”

Jeno dropped his backpack and flopped on the chair beside Jaemin's bed, “Yes, auntie, we were dismissed early,”

“Hey,” Jaemin greeted, finally putting his phone down. He could not do much in the hospital, but he heard he can go home soon.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jeno asked after noticing the distressed look on Jaemin's face.

“Yeah,” Jaemin answered, “Just thinking about some things,”

Jeno raised a brow at him. Jaemin was never the type to think about things. He always did things on an impulse, always following his gut feeling and instinct. It was a rare occurrence even for Jeno.

“Mom, did the boy from earlier tell you what he needed?” Jaemin suddenly turned to his mom, who handed him two plates of sliced apples, one for him and one for Jeno.

Jeno happily took his plate, “Thank you, auntie!”

Jaemin's mother just directed a smile at Jeno before answering her son, “Well, now that I think about it, he did not say much about himself,”

Jeno silently watched the exchange between the two as he was munching his apples. Jaemin's mother soon excused herself after cleaning up to buy dinner, leaving the two boys alone in the room.

“Who is it?” Jeno curiously asked Jaemin.

“What?”

“The boy you were talking about earlier,” Jeno wiggled his eyebrows suggestively which earned him a smack from the boy on the hospital bed, “ouch,”

“It's nothing, to be honest,” Jaemin shrugged before reaching out to get his phone on the bedside table but Jeno beat him to it. Jeno stuck his tongue out like a child and hid the phone in his pocket, “Lee Jeno, I swear, you're so annoying. What are you, a child?” Jaemin heaved a sigh.

“Enlighten me please,”

“Fine,” Jaemin surrendered. Jeno would not stop bothering him until he got what he wanted anyway, “There was a blonde boy who came here earlier, he said he was my friend, but I don't remember him,”

Jeno tilted his head in confusion, “A blonde boy?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin hummed, “He was weird though, he ran away before I could say anything,”

Jeno was in deep thought, it felt like he was forgetting something. He was a bit slow in things so it was quite hard for him to remember what it was but when he did, he almost shouted in glee, “Ha! I knew it!”

Jaemin weirdly looked at his bestfriend. Did he finally lose his last braincell?

Jeno should have been offended by the judgmental stare of his bestfriend but he paid no attention to that, “Huang Renjun, right? The name of the boy?”

It was Jaemin's turn to raise his brow, “How did you know?”

“We're from the same university!” Jeno beamed, “How could I forget, oh god! He's an art major who is quite popular for his paintings,”

There was a long pause before Jeno continued, eyes glinting in curiosity, “...and guess what?”

“What?”

 

“You are in all of his paintings,”

 

—

 

After being in a coma for several months, one would need intensive rehabilitation to function properly again like walking and such and that was why Jaemin had to stay for more than a couple of months in the hospital.

He was still undergoing rehabilitation but he was already allowed to go home. He still needed to undergo several surgeries for his back but that was for another time because the doctor advised him to nurse himself back to a healthy state again before doing the series of surgeries.

His back took the most impact when he collapsed on the ground and he needed those series of surgeries to finally be able to dance again. His passion was dancing and he would lie if he would say that he was not jealous of Jeno who was a dance major in Seoul National University, their dream school. His studies were postponed, he was still not cleared by the hospital so he still could not enroll himself in a university. If it was not for the accident, Jaemin would have auditioned along with Jeno.

However, for that day, he was not at the university for his bestfriend. He walked toward the art department's building, as instructed by Jeno.

 

“What do you mean?” the university staff asked Jaemin, “These are all the paintings in our department's gallery,” she motioned to the gallery hall that Jaemin just went into.

“No, I'm actually looking for a certain student's paintings,” Jaemin bit his lips, “...Huang Renjun,”

“Huang?” the staff recognized the name, “I heard he pulled out all his paintings from the gallery more or less a month ago,”

The information surprised Jaemin, but he could not give up now. He needed answers. The way the blonde's eyes teared up when their gazes met still haunted him. Why? What was his relationship with that boy?

“Can you please tell me where I can find him?”

The staff was taken aback, “Sir, we can't just give out information of our students,”

“Please,” there was raw desperation in Jaemin's voice, a desperation he never knew he was capable of showing.

The staff looked conflicted. She pressed her lips in a thin line, “Fine, but just this once. This won't ever happen again,”

Jaemin breathed a sigh of relief, “Thank you, thank you so much,” he could not thank her enough when she handed him Huang Renjun's class schedule.

She smiled, “Go get your man,”

Jaemin furiously blushed, “W-we aren't like that, h-he's my friend,” he stuttered.

“Whatever you say. Now go,”

 

Luckily, Renjun's class was in the same building, just a few floors away from the gallery hall. Jaemin leaned on the wall outside the classroom, hands in his pocket, while waiting for the blonde's class to end. His heart was beating so fast, not knowing why. He was never this nervous when meeting people, he loved interacting with people. What was so special about the boy that made his heart react this way?

A few minutes later, students started filing out of the room, one by one. Jaemin did not have to wait that long before he saw Renjun walk out of the room beside a brunette with streaks of rainbow dye on his hair.

Renjun was rummaging his bag for something, his brows furrowed as he continued looking for it while walking, hoping that no one would bump into him. Donghyuck was ranting about the lecture of their professor beside him when the other abruptly stopped, words hanging mid-air.

The blonde did not pay attention and continued walking but the brunette grabbed his wrist and urged him to look up. He had never seen Donghyuck that speechless before. He wondered what the other saw that made him that way so he looked up, curiosity getting the best of him.

Renjun's breath hitched when he saw the person he least expected a few steps away from them. Had Donghyuck not stopped him, he would have bumped into the boy standing there.

_Jaemin._

 

Jaemin still looked as beautiful as ever. His pink cotton candy-like hair was back, the black roots of his hair were nowhere to be found. He was just wearing a simple denim jacket over a white shirt but he made it look like what a runway model would wear. He looked absolutely gorgeous.

Renjun missed him so much, but he was a coward. He wanted to run away, but Donghyuck was not having any of his bullshits that moment.

He remembered Donghyuck's confusion back when they were submitting the request to pull all of his paintings out of the art department's gallery, “Look, I don't know why you're doing this, but I do know that you're hurting yourself by doing this,” the brunette said before pulling the blonde into a hug.

The brunette knew that his friend was killing himself slowly from the inside by whatever he was doing. He wanted his friend to fix it, not run away from it.

“Hi,” Donghyuck greeted the pink haired boy, still firmly holding Renjun's wrist.

“H-hi,” Jaemin awkwardly greeted back, eyes temporarily meeting Donghyuck's but immediately went back to Renjun's.

Jaemin's eyes spoke too much, Donghyuck mentally noted.

“So, is there anything we can help you with?” Donghyuck spoke again after sensing that Renjun would not talk at all, looking at everywhere except at the pink haired boy in front of them.

“I- Actually, I wanted to talk to Renjun,” Jaemin cautiously said, hoping it did not make the two uncomfortable.

Renjun's eyes widened, “Donghyuck and I are going somewhere,” the blonde blurted out.

Donghyuck raised a brow at Renjun, “We?”

“Ah, is that so,” disappointment was evident in Jaemin's voice as he looked down and unconsciously bit his lip.

Donghyuck's voice caused him to look up again, “Please don't mind him. We do not have any plans. He's free for the rest of the day,”

The betrayed look on Renjun's face was hilarious, Donghyuck almost laughed but it was not appropriate at that moment.

Jaemin's face lit up, “Really?” the pink haired boy flashed a huge smile, the smile that Renjun loved. It did not fail to make him feel butterflies, it was still beautiful, so beautiful, he had to look away.

Renjun pleaded Donghyuck with his eyes. He could not be alone with Jaemin. It took all of his self control not to jump at the pink haired boy and give him the biggest hug when their eyes first met a few minutes ago. He was certain that his fragile heart would not be able to take it.

Donghyuck just sighed at the actions of his hopeless friend, “Please, talk it out with him,” he whispered before patting his friend's shoulder and politely excusing himself from the two.

 

They were walking aimlessly around the university campus, side by side as the deafening silence surrounded the two. No one dared to talk, but Renjun's presence was surprisingly comfortable.

Jaemin found it strange that it felt so familiar. Renjun walking beside him felt so familiar, his heart almost ached. There was that strong urge to ruffle the smaller boy's soft blonde hair or to even hold his hand. It felt like he had done it a hundred of times before. It was confusing.

Renjun, on the other hand, was almost drowning in the nostalgia hitting him. He could not believe he was walking beside Jaemin again. He could not blame Donghyuck for all of it because his friend was just trying to help, and besides, he did not know, only Renjun knew.

It felt like everything went back to how it was a couple of months ago. When they were happy, when he was happy. He suddenly wondered, was Jaemin happy in the past couple of months?

“Renjun,”  
“Jaemin,”

They spoke at the same time, but Jaemin was faster to take it back, “I'm sorry, what is it?”

“No, please speak first, it's okay,” Renjun refused. The last time that happened, Renjun never had the chance to hear what Jaemin wanted to say.

Jaemin was hesitant at first, “I wanted to ask you,” he halted and turned toward the smaller boy who was avoiding his gaze by looking down, “....about your paintings,”

Renjun knew it. Of course, it would be about his paintings. Who would not be weirded out if a complete stranger would claim to be your friend and would paint you whenever there was a chance to do so?

“I'm sorry,” Renjun immediately apologized, he bit his lips out of habit, “I already pulled the paintings out of the gallery, no one would-”

“No, wait,” Jaemin interrupted the smaller boy, “That's not what I meant,”

“I... wanted to see your paintings,” Jaemin said in his sincerest voice. He genuinely wanted to see the paintings. His gut feeling was telling him that he had to see those paintings no matter what.

Renjun slowly looked up and met Jaemin's gaze; and that was when he knew that could not say no to him.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter (uwaaa), enjoy!

Renjun's apartment was not that far from the university campus, it was only around a 10 minute walk. When Jaemin entered the small beige apartment, he was welcomed by a strong scent of lavender.

Renjun noticed the crease on Jaemin's forehead, “I'm sorry, does the smell bother you?” he immediately walked toward his air freshener on the table to close it, worried that the smell might be too strong for the pink haired boy.

Jaemin just offered him a smile, “No, it's okay, I just- the smell was somehow familiar,”

Renjun stopped in his tracks. No, that can't be it, right? Jaemin must have smelt it somewhere else, and not because it was his favorite scent.

Jaemin let himself in after removing his shoes, the apartment looked even smaller with canvases of all sizes everywhere. His jaw dropped when Renjun finally opened the lights, all the paintings unveiling themselves in front of his eyes at the same time.

It was true, he was in all of the paintings. The paintings were drawn from different angles with different hues of all colors, but it was all him. The pink hue that was used for his hair stood out against the beige walls of the apartment that the canvases were leaning on.

“It's beautiful,” Jaemin whispered, eyes still wandering on the paintings, “Renjun, I love all of it,” he turned to the smaller boy who was only silently watching him.

_You are beautiful._

It was only for a second, but Jaemin was sure that he saw a deep, deep sadness in the eyes of the smaller boy before the other looked away, “T-thanks,”

 

Renjun offered Jaemin a drink after showing him all of his paintings. It was embarrassing, he was pretty sure he was furiously blushing the entire time, but Jaemin only showered him with praises and genuinely appreciated his pieces; it made him happy.

They awkwardly sat beside each other on the small couch in the living room as they drank the jasmine tea that Renjun prepared. It was silent, but it was that peaceful kind of silence. Jaemin enjoyed Renjun's company. He definitely made the right decision to meet the boy.

It was then when a huge canvas about half the height of Renjun caught Jaemin's attention. It was not like any other canvas, it was carefully wrapped in a clean white cloth, neatly placed on the far corner of the living room.

“Renjun, what's that?” Jaemin could not help but ask.

Renjun immediately knew what the other was referring to without having the need to turn his head toward it. Almost instantly, he could feel the anxiety coming back. Ever since that day, he could not look at that painting without breaking down so he just kept it at the far corner of the room, away from people, away from him, but Jaemin saw it.

“It's a painting,” he said in a shaky voice, “It's my very first painting of you,”

Jaemin felt the sudden change of air in the room, the tension in the air felt so heavy. The comforting silence was long gone. It was replaced by the loud beating of their hearts against their chest, so loud that they feared the other might hear it.

Renjun thought he had successfully diverted Jaemin's attention toward his paintings, but he was wrong, so awfully wrong. He knew what Jaemin wanted to ask all this time, it was the question that he dreaded the most.

Jaemin did not know why he suddenly felt scared, like his very soul was scared of something he could not identify. He wanted to leave, but he had yet to ask Renjun the question he was dying to ask. He knew that at some point, he had to ask Renjun, so even though he was scared, he asked anyway, “How did we meet, Renjun? What was our relationship?”

Renjun looked down, he noticed that his hands were shaking, so he put his mug down on the table, “I can't tell you, Jaemin. As much as I want to, but I can't.”

“What do you mean?”

“It's for the better,” Renjun said in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

“I won't know it's for the better if you won't tell me,” Jaemin insisted, he put his mug down as well, staring intently at the smaller boy beside him.

“Jaemin, please,” Renjun looked up with a single tear rolling down his cheek, his lips trembling.

 

At that moment, Jaemin hated himself. He hated himself for making the blonde cry. It was the last thing he wanted to see. Then there was that feeling again; like the scene in front of him already happened before, but he could not remember where or when. It was painful, so painful.

Why was his heart aching so much for a boy he could not even remember?

No.

Why did he forget the boy who probably meant the world to him?

“I'm sorry,” Jaemin whispered, he reached out to comfort the boy, but he could not bring himself to touch him, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry,”

Renjun was sobbing on his hands. Jaemin was right beside him — his Jaemin, his entire universe, was beside him, but things were not the same anymore. The pain was too much for his fragile heart.

“I- I should leave,” Jaemin's voice laced with panic and fear brought Renjun back to reality.

“W-wait, Jaemin-ah,”

Jaemin stopped in his tracks. Renjun's voice was hoarse from all the crying but he called out his name softly with that sense of familiarity, so familiar like Renjun had been calling out his name his entire life.

“Take the painting with you,”

 

—

 

Jaemin stared at the wrapped canvas sitting on his bed, leaning on the wall, opposite to where he was seated. Two days had already passed since he went to Renjun's apartment, but the expression of the smaller boy when he handed him the painting was still haunting him. It looked like the smaller boy had already given up, resigning to whatever fate has in store for him.

Jaemin groaned. He was definitely forgetting something, something important, and that was the void that he felt the moment he woke up. He grabbed a fistful of his hair in frustration. He wanted to know, but he was a coward and that was why he had not unwrapped the canvas yet. He was just in a daze for a few minutes before a sigh escaped his lips; a determined look was reflected on his eyes.

With all the courage he could muster, he inched closer to the huge canvas and slowly unwrapped it. It was not an exaggeration, but he could literally hear his heartbeat drum against his chest. When he finally removed the cloth carefully wrapped around the canvas, he saw the painting in all its glory.

It was a painting of him, looking at the vast blue ocean spread across him. He had no memories of going to an ocean like that but Renjun said that he himself told the details of the ocean view. It was beautiful. 

He found himself staring at the painting for far too long until it felt like something inside him snapped. He almost winced in pain, his head hurting from the sudden wave of memories flooding him. There was a strong urge to cry; a single tear, followed by many other soon after.

“W-why- what's this-” he mumbled weakly while continuously wiping his tears, “W-why am i crying...”

_His soul remembers._

The boy whose eyes were as bright as the sun, the boy whom he would always look for — just like how a sunflower would always look for the sun. Huang Renjun, the boy whom he swore he would never forget.

Jaemin was overwhelmed by so many emotions to the point that he was already shaking, but he wasted no time; he should not waste more time, he already made Renjun wait for too long, he hurt the boy he loves the most. How could he forget?

He scrambled off his bed, grabbed whatever coat he could before running out of his room. He gripped his phone tightly as he quickly dialed Renjun's number while hailing a cab, not paying attention to the weird looks people were giving him due to his bloodshot eyes. He did not care about anything else, he needed to see Renjun.

 

“Are you sure you're okay?” Donghyuck asked Renjun while they were walking out of the university's art studio. It was already late at night but preliminary examinations were just right around the corner so they had to rush at least 3 paintings to meet the deadlines, but the brunette was not talking about that.

Donghyuck saw the dead look on his friend's eyes, like all hope was lost, like his eyes were just a bottomless pit of endless void. He tried asking, but the blonde would not utter even a word about what happened that day.

“I'm sorry, Hyuck,” Renjun's voice was small, unstable, like it would crack if he spoke any louder.

It broke Donghyuck's heart to see his friend like this, “Shh, it's okay, I don't mind,” he pulled his friend into a hug. He noticed the other was slightly trembling but before he could comment on it, the blonde pulled away.

“I'm okay, really,” Renjun whispered, but it looked like he was whispering it to himself, to make himself believe that he was indeed okay.

Renjun looked so tired. He had bags under his red-rimmed eyes. There was a hollow dip on his cheek. Donghyuck knew that his blonde friend had never been okay ever since he saw him during their first art class together but the latter had never looked that worse. Not to mention the slight tremors of the other, it was alarming.

“Jun, do you want to visit the hospital?” Donghyuck asked seriously.

“Hyuck, I'm fine-” whatever Renjun was about to say was interrupted when his phone rang. He almost dropped his phone when he saw the caller ID displayed on the screen.

Donghyuck furrowed his brows, “I'm sorry, I think this is all my fault,” guilt weighed on him every time he saw the miserable state of his friend.

“I... wanted it anyway,” Renjun admitted, “I still love him, I love him with all I have,” his voice was barely audible, as if he was confessing his secrets to the night breeze.

There was an unreadable expression on Renjun's face when he looked at Donghyuck before he answered his phone. The brunette realized it was resignation a few minutes later when he saw the dead look on the eyes of his blonde friend again.

 

It took Renjun a few tries before he managed to convince Donghyuck that he would be okay and that the other could leave. The brunette was stubborn and would not budge on his seat beside the blonde, arms crossed against his chest, but he eventually gave in because he always had a soft spot for his blonde friend. He made the blonde promise that he would call if anything would happen though. Renjun smiled weakly at the thought. His socializing skills were nowhere near Jaemin's, but Donghyuck was always so patient with him. He was lucky to have a friend like the brunette.

 _Jaemin._ Jaemin often crossed his thoughts like that. It was already late at night, almost all the establishments in the university campus were already closed, with a few exceptions like cafes so Renjun agreed to meet Jaemin there. He occupied a table outside despite the cold weather because the strong aroma inside was suffocating him.

He wondered about the intentions of the pink haired boy. Why would he want to meet at that hour of the night?

It was then when something white caught his attention. He looked up at the sky, it was dark, but contrast to that was a white particle falling. Snow, the first snowfall of the year. It was silly but he still closed his eyes and made a wish.

Jaemin's happiness. He did not even wish to be with Jaemin anymore. He just wanted Jaemin to be happy, to be genuinely happy.

 

Jaemin was running like his life depended on it. He was scared, but a small smile lingered on his lips. Renjun. _His Injun_. He saw the blonde boy sitting on the table outside of a cafe, shivering slightly from the cold. He was about to run toward the boy but he stopped in his tracks upon noticing that something was falling from the sky; snow. It was the first snowfall. Despite his tear-stained eyes, he still grinned dumbly before opening his hand to catch a snow perfectly landing on his palm. He made a wish.

Renjun's happiness. He did not wish for his own happiness because his happiness was right there — _the boy who lights up his world_. Instead, he wanted to erase that deep, deep sadness reflected on the other's eyes. He sincerely wished for Renjun's happiness with all his heart.

 

“You should wear warmer clothes since you get cold easily,” Jaemin's deep voice echoed loudly, “Injunnie,”

Renjun heard it loud and clear, but his mind refused to believe it. Injun. Did Jaemin just call him Injun? He slowly turned to look at the owner of the voice. He was immediately met by a soft smile, a soft gaze, a soft twinkle in those eyes that seemed to hold the entire universe in them.

Renjun had been crying, there was not a single day that he did not cry, and he was tired. He was too tired to cry some more but he found his eyes welling up with tears once again. However, he was not crying because of sorrow; those were tears of uncertainties, fear, but most of all, relief. It was overwhelming. He did not know how it happened, but there was recognition in Jaemin's eyes.

“Injunnie,” Jaemin called again as he walked toward the smaller boy but before he could even take more than a couple of steps, the other ran to him despite the snow.

Renjun buried his face on Jaemin's chest, his small fragile arms encircling around the other's waist, gripping the hem of his shirt tightly. His tears were staining the pink haired boy's shirt but he was too exhausted to care. He had already given up the idea of being with Jaemin again a few moments ago, but his Jaemin, the love of his life, was right in front of him, looking at him with that loving gaze; he swore he would not let go again.

Jaemin smiled, “I'm sorry, it took me so long,” he whispered as he placed a kiss on top of the soft blonde locks, he was reminded why the scent of lavender was so familiar to him. He hugged the smaller boy tightly, one hand on his petite waist and the other on his nape, as he pulled him close, so close; he vowed he would never let go.

Renjun pulled away, just enough to look up at the pink haired boy's face, “J-jaemin-ah,” he called softly, as if to make sure that it was real, that it was not just an illusion created by his exhausted mind, that his Jaemin was really in front of him.

Jaemin wiped the tears still on Renjun's cheek with his thumb, “I'm here, baby, I'm here,”

Renjun's face was flushed, his eyelids were almost dropping, and his plush lips were slightly parted, it looked like he was gasping for air. Jaemin would have blamed it on the snow if not for the burning skin of the other.

“Renjun, are you sick?” Jaemin panicked. It was fascinating how the loving look on Jaemin's face was replaced by a worried look, it was almost like a mother scolding his child, “Injunnie, stay with me,” he softly said as he caressed the smaller boy's cheek with one hand, the other holding the petite waist to support the trembling boy.

The blonde would have cooed at the sight of the pink haired boy, but he was drifting. He wanted to keep himself awake, he wanted to feel more of the other, but it felt like his mind was so exhausted, to the point that all he saw was black. Jaemin's voice laced with panic was the last thing he heard before his tired body and mind gave out.

Renjun collapsed.

 

—

 

Donghyuck paced back and forth in the hospital room. He was biting his nails nervously before heaving a sigh for the nth time. He threw a glare at the two boys, a certain pink haired and a brunette who just awkwardly smiled at him, occupying the couch in the room.

“I mean, it's winter. Who would ask to meet up with someone at that time of the night and in that cold weather?” Donghyuck almost rolled his eyes, “Well, apparently, you,”

Jaemin could only look down, guilt evident on his face, as he pouted like a lost child. Jeno, on the other hand, had no idea what was going on. He just received a call at an ungodly hour of the night from Jaemin, who was panicking, and of course, he had to go see what was happening to his friend, and so, he found himself in that situation.

“I swear, if something happens to Junnie,” Donghyuck exasperated.

“Hyuck, don't be too harsh on them,” a small voice echoed throughout the hospital room, all three heads turned toward the blonde who was lying on the hospital bed. Jaemin immediately stood up and was about to rush to Renjun's side but Donghyuck beat him to it.

“Junnie, are you okay?” Donghyuck asked with furrowed brows, “Where does it hurt? Do you want me to call nurses-”

“Hyuck, I'm okay,” Renjun smiled as he raised his arm to pat his friend's hair, “I'm okay,”

Donghyuck's breath hitched at the sight in front of him. Renjun's genuine smile. It was the first time that he saw his friend's genuine smile and it was something that tugged on his heart. Having a soft spot for his friend, all tension from his face was immediately replaced by a warm smile, “I'm glad,” he sighed in relief.

Jaemin cleared his throat, the two were too close for comfort, in which Donghyuck replied with a scoff, “What?” the brunette with streaks of rainbow dye on his hair rolled his eyes.

As if on cue, Jeno stood up, “Donghyuck, right? Should we go buy food? We can buy breakfast just across the street,” he flashed his infamous eye smile.

Jaemin would have hugged his bestfriend right then and there for saving his ass from Renjun's sassy friend, but decided that that would be for another time, instead, he agreed, “Yeah, do you want to eat anything, Injun?”

Renjun unconsciously pouted while thinking, making the two boys in the room coo internally. Whipped, Jeno noted.

“Hot pot?”

“Yah, Jun, can you be a bit realistic? Who would sell hot pot at this hour?” Donghyuck motioned to the clock on the bedside table. It displayed 5:39 am.

Renjun giggled at that, “Okay, okay, something like a stew then? I'm cold,”

Before Donghyuck could say a sassy remark again, Jeno answered immediately, “Okay, stew it is then!”

Donghyuck could only roll his eyes, before muttering ‘idiot’ under his breath. If only it was not for his Junnie.

“Let's go! Chop, chop!” Jeno ushered the brunette out of the door.

 

After the two brunettes left, the room was engulfed by an echoing silence, both boys realizing the awkward atmosphere. Renjun could only look down and fiddle with the white blanket on the hospital bed. He was already sitting up, leaning on the headboard of the bed for support.

Renjun only looked up when he heard the scraping of chair against the floor, Jaemin occupied the seat beside the bed, which was previously occupied by Donghyuck.

“How are you feeling?” Jaemin asked, concern evident on his face.

“I'm fine,” Renjun quietly answered, “I've never been this better, actually,”

“You should definitely eat more,” Jaemin noted, “and get enough rest,”

The smaller boy averted his gaze. It was true, he was not taking care of himself well. Always drowning himself with school works and paintings, basically to numb himself from the pain that was slowly eating his sanity away, but things were already different. He was okay. They would finally be okay.

“I will, I definitely will,”

Jaemin reached his hand out and caressed Renjun's pale cheeks, the blonde closed his eyes almost immediately as he leaned into the touch. He missed this.

“Injunnie, I can't believe this,” the pink haired boy said, “that after all of that, you're here.... and I'm here,”

“We're here,” Renjun affirmed. When he opened his eyes, he caught Jaemin staring at his lips. Jaemin was quick to avert his gaze though so Renjun reached out, his hand fitting perfectly against the other's cheek. Jaemin had no choice but to look at Renjun once again, a blush slowly creeping up his face.

“Please,” Renjun whispered softly. _Please kiss me._

Jaemin's body reacted way faster than his mind. Before he could even register what was happening, he was already leaning into the smaller boy. His breath ghosting over the other's lips as he firmly held his nape, both of their eyes closed. He pressed a small kiss, a peck on the soft plush lips, which tasted like the cherry lipbalm he often used. It was as soft as he imagined it to be.

But it had been so long. They both longed for each other, they wanted more, they needed more of each other's touches. The coolness of the ghostly touches were long forgotten. They basked in each other's warmth, they loved it, so they dived in one more time, with much more need.

Jaemin repositioned himself to access more of the smaller boy's mouth, one knee supporting himself on the bed while he placed his other hand on the headboard, effectively trapping the smaller between the headboard and himself. He threaded his fingers that was on the other's nape through the soft blonde locks of the other, pulling it a little.

Renjun was thankful that he was on the bed because his legs would have given out by that time if he was not. He could feel Jaemin smile into the kiss, almost innocently, if Jaemin did not lick the bottom of his lips. It caught him off guard but he still obliged, parting his lips for the boy, tilting his head to give a better access. He snaked his hands around the pink haired boy's neck, occasionally playing with the hair on his nape. He fought for dominance, tongues dancing with each other, but in the end, he was still swooned by Jaemin, eliciting soft moans from him in the process.

Jaemin unconsciously gripped the blonde locks tightly as he dived in deeper, wanting to have more of the addicting taste of the smaller boy. Renjun whimpered but still returned the kiss with the same intensity. All their unsaid feelings were conveyed through those kisses. It was the reassurance that they both needed; to feel each other's presence, to feel each other's touches.

When they pulled away, both of them looked like a mess; their faces flushed, their red swollen lips glistened, hair disheveled. Jaemin pressed their foreheads together, their smiles mirroring each other.

“Thank you for coming back,” Renjun whispered.

“No, thank you for coming to me,” Jaemin sincerely said, eyes never leaving Renjun's, “That day...”

“I wanted to tell you how much I love you, how much you mean to me,” Jaemin confessed, “...that you mean the world to me,”

“I was a coward, I let fear cloud my mind, but you're worth all of it, all the pain, all the challenges we had to go through, you're worth it, Injunnie,”

“Jaemin-ah, you are worth it too,” Renjun reminded the pink haired boy, “We are worth it; our love is worth it,” 

Yes.

Jaemin leaned in to kiss Renjun again, and it was yet another kind of kiss. It was a kiss that sealed their love for each other. It was the kiss that granted all of their wishes, all the times they begged for miracles, all the times they asked for one more chance. The kiss was the proof that they exist, and would forever exist in each other's hearts.

 

Donghyuck cleared his throat and that was what brought the lovebirds back to reality. They scrambled off each other, Renjun pushing Jaemin away which made the other almost fall off the bed.

“We go out for a few minutes, and this is what you do,” Donghyuck feigned disgust, as he set the food they bought on the table. Jeno was too shocked to help him, his slow mind still processing what he just witnessed. _Poor Jeno._

“W-we were just talking,” Renjun stuttered, face as red as a tomato. Jaemin sank down on the chair beside the bed, his face could be compared to his pink hair. He looked like a child caught stealing candies.

Donghyuck rolled his eyes, “Sure, you were just talking, didn't know talking would make your lips swell like that,” he eyed the red swollen lips of his blonde friend, “Did you perhaps roll on the bed? Your hair's a mess,” he turned to the pink haired boy who hastily ruffled his hair to fix it but failed miserably.

“Lovestruck idiots,”

“Hyuck, you're mean,” Renjun whined.

 

Jaemin's mother soon came to the hospital to assist the boys because Renjun was a foreigner and did not have a legal guardian in South Korea. It was a long, long day for the boys.

 

—

 

“Achoo!” Jaemin sneezed for the 3rd consecutive time. He was wrapped in two layers of white fluffy blankets bundled up on his bed, he almost looked like a pink human burrito. He caught Renjun's fever because he stubbornly stuck to the blonde's side despite the advise of the doctors.

Renjun chuckled at the thought, “Idiot,”

The pink haired boy opened his eyes when he heard the blonde's voice, “Hey,” he wanted to sound offended but it sounded weak and hoarse because of his fever and cold.

“I made you food,” it was only then when Jaemin saw the tray of food that Renjun was carrying; a bowl of hot porridge, a glass of water, and his medicines. The smaller boy placed the tray on the bedside table and helped the sick boy to sit up.

Renjun rubbed his hands together and placed one hand on the other's forehead to feel his temperature, “Your fever is still not going down,” he frowned, “Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital? You'll feel better, I promise,”

Jaemin, through his half lidded eyes, shook his head frantically like a child, “I've been in the hospital for too long, I don't want,”

Renjun could only sigh, “Why are you so stubborn,”

“I want cuddles,” Jaemin suddenly whined, tugging on Renjun's sweater paws.

“We can cuddle after you eat, you need to drink your medicines,” the blonde firmly said, but the pink haired boy pretended not to hear it as he pulled the other into the bed with him.

“Hey, I swear-”

Renjun had to swallow whatever he was about to say when he felt a pair of lips on his own, a hand on his nape to keep him in place. Jaemin pulled away after a few seconds with a lazy grin and half lidded eyes, in contrast with Renjun's widened eyes and slightly parted lips.

“Na Jaemin-”

and another kiss.

“Hey-”

and another one.

“I'll kiss you again if you won't shut up,” Jaemin said before snuggling close, burying his face on Renjun's neck.

Renjun's face could be compared to a tomato. He almost thought he caught the fever again because of the heat on his cheeks, but in reality, he was just furiously blushing. He needed to feed Jaemin his medicines but the sigh of contentment which escaped the sick boy's lips was enough to keep Renjun in place. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the much taller boy snuggling against him like a huge baby.

Renjun was almost drifting to dreamland when he suddenly felt a tingling sensation on his neck, a hot breath ghosting over his skin. It was followed by a kiss, which was followed by more kisses after. Jaemin kissed all the skin he could reach, his neck, his collarbones, his jaw, and soon after, the sick boy was peppering his face with small kisses, setting forth a storm of butterflies inside him.

Jaemin placed one last lingering kiss on the corner of Renjun's lips before looking up through his long eyelashes, meeting Renjun's gaze, “I love you,”

Jaemin had always been clingy but it turned out that a sick Jaemin was even clingier, it made Renjun's heart swell in delight. A wonderful human being loves him, Jaemin loves him. 

He caressed the soft pink cotton candy-like hair, “...and I love you too, with all my heart,” he whispered, enunciating every syllable, hoping that he would be able to convey his sincere feelings to the other.

“Thank you for saving me, thank you for loving me, for letting me feel loved, and thank you for letting me love you,”

Jaemin softly smiled at Renjun, so softly, he could melt right then and there. The pink haired boy leaned up to catch the blonde's lips once again, playfully nibbling on the other's bottom lips.

When they pulled away, Renjun pouted, “At this rate, I'm going to get sick again,”

Jaemin laughed, “Then, I'll take care of you,”

Jaemin's smile was probably the most beautiful thing that Renjun had ever seen, his laugh the most beautiful sound he had ever heard his entire life. He was reminded once again that that beautiful human being was his, and only his.

“You know what, fuck it,” Renjun cupped Jaemin's face with both of his hands before aggressively diving in to chase after the pink haired boy's lips, which the other was more than happy to accept.

Jaemin responded passionately, his hands attaching themselves to the other's hips, pulling him closer than ever. They were a mess of tangled limbs as they continued their sloppy kisses, but Jaemin was getting impatient because of the awkward angle so he crawled on top of Renjun without breaking the kiss, pinning the smaller boy down on the bed. When the smaller gasped for air, he took that chance to explore even deeper, tongue wandering to wherever it could reach.

It was hot, like literally. Renjun could have blamed it on his sweater but he was getting lightheaded because of Jaemin's never ending kisses. He felt hot, he was not sure if it was because of Jaemin's burning skin or their heated kisses. He would never know.

The day after that, Donghyuck was wondering why Renjun was sneezing nonstop during their art class.

 

 

They are still scared, they are still lost souls, but it's okay, because they are still young. They have so much to learn, but they do know that wishes are granted, miracles do happen, and prayers are never unheard.

They are the answers to each other's wishes.  
Now that they have each other, they will be okay.  
They will finally be okay. 

End.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for everyone's kind words, I really appreciate the feedbacks! Tbh, I wanted to write a fluffy fic but my poor ass can only write angst. Anyway, I hope you guys had fun while reading this as much as I did while I was writing it! I have some ideas for a sequel, but we'll see about that hehe! Until then, please give lots of love to our renmin babies!
> 
> ps. if u wanna yell about renmin my dms are always open im usually just a potato lurking around i never knew i could write a 17k fic pls luv me 
> 
>  
> 
> [ twt ](https://twitter.com/jaemnoren)

**Author's Note:**

> Please do tell me your thoughts about the story~ thank you for reading!


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